evidence of my existence

2010-11-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

the ending of a one way street; the starting of a crossroad.

2010-11-03T21:54:00.000-07:00

i did not sulk because i am sad; because i didn't have a reason to smile.
FML.

2010-07-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

因为爱你，所以不想放弃。
但爱越深，所以伤的越重。
不想爱了，但舍不得放手。
我只想我们很好，难道着也错了吗？

2010-06-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

im glad that you have learnt t leave us alone.
im grateful.

2010-06-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

im still waiting tht one fine day you would make a post in tht blog :)

2010-06-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

human's at our weakest when we're sick.
and tend to feel very lonely at this point of time.

2010-05-29T04:37:00.000-07:00

it feels totally weird when your bestfriend tells you tht she's getting married. cause you're only 19? lol. but it feel good to know tht she's happy, she's having th happiness one could ever ask for.

cant help but to think, when's my turn ? ):

2010-04-25T06:03:00.001-07:00

life can never be better.

cause im having it, just th way i wanted it t be.(:

2010-04-21T02:04:00.000-07:00

deleted /-

it's childish.

i have better things t do.

study time !! (=

2010-04-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

yesterday was 1.5.

time flies, fast.

and yes, I'm affected. very.

but i dont need sympathy, nt at all.

yes people, look here. i am tht bloody bitch.

blame me for what i've done, i won't blame you.

give them, those who ever hurt me, tht pity eyes.

i can be th evil one, let them be th goods.

for no one will ever, ever understand my feelings.

but then again, fuck off, i don't need anyone t understand.

humans, only adds on t my misery.

i've done good enough t isolate myself.

2010-04-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

为何，总是那么闷闷不乐？

你知不知道，在你身边的我，看了，好心痛。

2010-04-09T06:08:00.000-07:00

就算我们是两个世界的人又如何？

我不需要你告诉我，我爱的东西有多好。

我喜欢你带着我，看看你世界的美好。

不同世界的我们，都多了一个世界，不是更完美吗？

谢谢你的关怀，包容，和爱。

我知道，

我再也找不到第二个你，

再也找不到一个那么爱我的人了。

抓住了，我再也不会放手。

想也别想跑。

亲爱的，我很迷信，

但就算他告诉我，我们不是命中注定，

我不会信命，我只会信我们的爱情。

2010-04-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

害怕，
再也牵不了你的手，
再也抱不到你，
再也爱不了你。

如果再失去最爱，我不会再快乐的起来。

2010-04-03T03:17:00.000-07:00

第十四天。

My greatest love of all,
I'll choose nt to ask for anything,
Not t ask abt anything,
Accept whatever love tht's given t me.
Because, I just love u so much,
Tht I can nv affort t lose u.

错与对的一线之差，
我以做了选择。
绝不后悔。

2010-04-01T03:13:00.000-07:00

失去你的第十二天

每当想起你，心情还是一样的低落。

It feels super awesome t wake up in th middle of th night t realise,you have a missed call from someone u love.
I was hoping tht you'll say tht you miss me, but still,you didn't.
But I miss you, a lot.

Happy april fool's day ppl,愚人节快乐。

If any one of you who's reading this thinks tht it's ur bf I'm talking abt.
I'm not, it's just someone important tht I'm talking abt.
Rest assure and lead ur happy life, I'm nt some slut who steals.
I'm attached, btw.

最真的心，一定会碰到最真的人。

edited/

2010-03-29T04:55:00.000-07:00

失去你的第九天。
还是会想你，还是很心痛。

爱情：
一切开始的美好，
只是建造在看不见的未来上。
我们都曾经以为，
只要手牵着手就能遇见幸福。
美好的幻想，终将被现实打破。
才发现，幸福真的好不容易。

才会领悟到爱是许要学习的，
要去学会忍让，学会包容。
但当一切多过我们所能负荷，
爱会变成猜疑，变成争吵。
所有的美好，
会象云一样，被风带走。

爱会慢慢的被磨成寂寞。
或许到了这爱，尾声的来临，
所剩下的只有恨。
但是，如果没有爱，那来的恨？

不管结局是好是坏，

只要记得曾经爱过的美好，

因为生命中发生的每一件事都值得记念。

珍惜眼前人。

day 37 , 397th day

2010-03-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

失去你的第八天。

Smiles are superficial.
At th end of th day,when you're back t ur own comfort zone.
You're back t urself. Emotions come rushing back.
You're back t square one, when u start tearing.
You're just nth, but a pathetic little soul tht nobody wants or care.

还记得当时你抱着我痛哭，才发现，自己在你心里多重要。
不准你抱着别人哭。因为我永元都会在。

2010-03-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

失去你的第七天。

this is prolly th first time in my life,i felt death so close t me.

not feeling yourself at all is no joke.

i wasn't afraid,

just wondering if i might see u there,will u recognize me?

though ive never seen you before,

but i know for sure there would be something tht linked us up, i would know you're baby th moment i see you.

maybe i can see you grow up, down there.

but somehow,im still here,alive though too weak t kick.

2 more extra pills into my daily pill-diet.

when you're eating 5 a day,what's 2 more man? :)

- more red meat & exercise

my eyes are giving me problem again

and my stupid stomach hates macspicy t th core.

what goes in comes out nowadays. hais .

even onion rings & ice-cream & cakes -_-"

im gonna make my bowling skills go pro !

im gonna master swimming !

im gonna learn wake-boarding !

im gonna go blading often !

im gonna learn t play guitar again!

and maybe piano too!

"life is short,live it t th fullest"

I HATE INSOMNIA! DEVILISH EYEBAGS!

以前说的不是这种以后，
快乐不该变得像彩红。

2010-03-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

还是第七天。
还是不快乐。

快乐不快乐，是自己的选择。
选择了这条路，就不会再回头。
要学会对自己的伤心付责任。

你送我的项楝还带在身上。

2010-03-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

失去你的第六天。

死亡是悲哀的，但活得不快樂更悲哀

it's gonna take a lot of courage,it's gonna be a lot of pain.

sleeping at 7am and waking up at 12pm, and dreaming of th same thing everyday.

day 34, 494th day

2010-03-25T04:42:00.000-07:00

失去你的第五天。

I know some past are meant t be forgotten.
But some, just never seems t go away.
I don't know how long am I gonna take t get over it,
But I guess I never will.
Probably, I never will want t forget about certain things.

past 2 days, activities were great, company were great.

but somethings just cant get off my mind.

and every time i start thinking,tears just cant stop.

i guess i should start learning t control,

stop making ppl tht love me worry.

after so much,i guess, i should start growing up.

stop disappointing you.

This place is boring at night.nth much tht I can do.
Trying t watch HIMYM ep 16. but can't ):
While searching, happen t see Barney Stinson's twitter and Barney Stinson's blog.
Though it's nt a real life, but it's pretty awesome.
I'm sure you'll like it

(:
Still rmb how I was intro t this serial.
Fell in love w it instantly.

Tml will be a better day,hopefully.
I can't wait t get my present tht flew all th way from turk.

"A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. "

day 33, 493th day

2010-03-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

失去你的第四天。

Went out t th sea, staring at th borderless sky tht's filled with stars.
I wondered,which is you?
I'm sure you're tht brightest star tht's shining down at us.
Though you've never been physically present in my life.
But you've shone my life,just like th stars.
Though you're gone. But your presence is in my heart,
I'm sure,in his heart too.

Sorry tht I've disappoint you again and again.

day 32, 492th day

2010-03-23T12:53:00.000-07:00

失去你的第三天。

Truthfully,I'm nt feeling any better.
Instead worse.
I don't knw who are you, I don't knw how you might look like.
Will you be a guy or girl?
Tall or short? But I'm sure you'll be very skinny.
I bet you would have smiles tht kills.
Will you like the name that I've given you?
Will you turn out smart?
There's so much things I wanna know about you.
Do you wanna know me too?
Do you wanna know, how it would be like,t be with me?
Answers unknown.
But you'll always be perfect,like how I pictured you in my heart.
You'll always have my heart, forever.

Blame me for being a loser,
For wanting t run away from this mess.
But,it's too much for me t handle.

day 31, 491th day

2010-03-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

失去你的第二天。
i cant even protect something that belongs t me, i'm a loser.

im sure you'll be in heaven, become angel, looking down at us.

you'll always be in my heart,

GuanNianXi.

day 30, 490th day

2010-03-20T06:09:00.000-07:00

如果没有爱过，我不会那么痛苦。
但如果没有爱过，我不会程感受过快乐。

day 29, 489th day

2010-03-20T05:32:00.000-07:00

Picasso - " woman with yellow hair"

Her name is Marie-Thérèse Walter, she was 17 and he was 45 when they fell in love. it went on for nine years, she bore him a child. she thought she was th love of his life,little did she know,she's just one of th many. she was th 4th, and he went on with another 3.

she waited for him, from the age of 26 till th age of 64,in total of 37 years for his return, she hung herself after his death.

it makes me wonder,if even for a moment,after he left,did he ever had her on his mind?

was she ever a really significant person in he's life tht she actually means something?

or was she just yet another "love" ?

why would she a young charming lady,ignore th looks of other ppl,fall in love w this man who's 28yrs older than her?

is this love?

despite, his absence, as long as you have him in your heart, it's worth a lifetime of waiting. even if you knew that he would be in love again,with someone else, you still strongly believe tht,his returns is just a matter of time. and even if he was gone,even if before he could return t you, tht life time of waiting for him,is worthwhile, cause you had your love of your life, this life is never wasted. as he make his move out of this life,it marks th end of yours too.

i don't know if my love could be so noble, i just wish you wouldn't be like Picasso.

i lose a tiny part of me everyday, and im starting t forget who am i, i dont know why am i here,what am i doing, i dont know what im living for.

i want an answer.

a key t tht door tht could free my pain.

day 28, 488th day.

2010-03-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

18th - semi 19th

semi good day and semi bad day.

19th has always been a happy and sad day t me.

tday,it's still th same,no change.

i thought im so numb tht nth could affect me anymore.

but tday, i choose t be a loser. i cried.

tears flow down uncontrollably,

my heart couldn't help but t feel cramped up.

it sucks. like totally.

yes or no? all i knw

it's nt gonna change a thing.

thanks for wiping my tears,

yc, happy birthday (=

insomnia is killer, my eye-bags are black and huge.

day 27 , 487th day.

2010-03-17T00:35:00.000-07:00

"Snuff"

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there.
Deliver me into my Fate - If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
My smile was taken long ago / If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart... when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear. I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend. Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint...
My own was banished long ago / It took the Death of Hope to let you go

So Break Yourself Against My Stones
And Spit Your Pity In My Soul
You Never Needed Any Help
You Sold Me Out To Save Yourself
And I Won't Listen To Your Shame
You Ran Away - You're All The Same
Angels Lie To Keep Control...
My Love Was Punished Long Ago
If You Still Care, Don't Ever Let Me Know
If you still care, don't ever let me know

every word speaks my heart & every melody is earning my tears.

day 25 , 485th day.

2010-03-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

$6 worth of susie.

frog porridge.

my fav cake from breadtalk.

korean bbq.

& many many more pizza hut treats.

rendang trip.

& honolulu

sentosa

mobies too......

day 24 , 484th day.

2010-03-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

th place we first met, brings back a lot of memories.

how i was attracted by your smell.

you always look so troubled and worried.

always so quietly sitting in a corner.

you barely even talk to me,

but you never fail to get my attention (:

and then that very day,that i'll never forget.

everything just came in place nicely.

you talked me,that was th first longest conversation we ever had.

i found out that you don't eat seafood.

you cheered me up with scissors paper stone (:

you gave me your no. before you left.

i took 20 mins to type tht short little msg.

it took a lot of courage, but im glad i did.

if i didnt,there wont be th movie tgt.

never regret loving you. i never will.

what is waiting for me in th future? i dont know.

but i know it's gonna be a long and hard road t walk.

i have t face lots craps and bullshits.

worst of all, im alone,without you.

but after all what matters th most is tht you're happy.

even if you're holding another girl's hand and nt mine.

even if you've long forgotten abt me.

as long as you're happy,nth else matters.

2010-03-15T01:51:00.000-07:00

ive got no more rights to say love.
i got no more rights to be asking any questions.
im not your lover no more.
just yet another passerby in your life.

2010-03-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

i know the status is probably from friends into "in a relationship"

i couldnt deny that it's painful.pain has involve into numbness,

so numb that i couldnt even cry. i could only stare stupidly at how happy both of you are.

but i couldnt be bothered.i expected it anyway.nv trust when ppl say,we're just friends.

it's always,how it started.

2010-03-13T20:14:00.000-08:00

you can nv imagine hw deep my love for you is.

nt even myself, expected it t be so.

but reality breaks dreams.

ppl come and go, things happened and get forgotten.

you sacrifices something for th sake of other ppl's happiness.

but they will nv understand why,

you let go, you lie, you put on an act,

in order t keep th pain t yourself and yourself only.

friends may see you cry,see you shout and see you swear.

but they can nv feel th pain tht you're feeling inside.

yes,i may be selfish.

i want t take decisions into my own hands.

and i clearly notice hw badly it would affect you,socially

so i found a better way out.

t lie,

you hate it when i lie.

but hopefully,there'll be a day when you understand why.

hey you,you might be feeling painful too,

but this time round,i knw for sure,

it wont be as much as mine,

so we're tie.

and goodbye.

2010-03-13T01:23:00.000-08:00

sorry tht i lied again.

it's th best for you ,for me,and everyone else.

2010-03-12T04:16:00.000-08:00

hey girl, if you happen t be reading this,

you've probably seen what posted 2 post ago.

i've nth against you really.

im sorry if anything tht i said have hurt you.

and i notice you deleted everything tht u commented on his fb.

you dont have t do tht.

like i told you.it's over.

although you said there's nth between th both of you,

but if really by any chance you guys happened t be in love

pls give him the best.

dont hurt him like i do.

i cant give him anymore happiness,

but you still can (:

2010-03-10T00:02:00.000-08:00

ive tried t accept it, tried very hard t accept your explanation.

but i realized i couldnt.

i guess you,like me,have been though this too. and felt even worst.

i realized hw much i've hurt you.

which make me feel worst.

i realized hw much i do not deserve your love.

hw much it hurts for you t be w me.

thank you for always trying t forgive me even if really hard.

but this time it's really goodbye.

you kmow you deserve better.

2010-03-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

istanbul, hw far away is tht place?

ups and downs.

lurblurb? you dont knw hw hard i cried over this 2 words.

maybe im silly or maybe im just purely an idiot.

2010-02-27T12:23:00.001-08:00

i realised.. th end of something might nt really be th ending.

i might just be a new start.

im still waiting.

2010-02-12T03:07:00.000-08:00

My stone aged blog. Haha.
Had supper and a super long and nice chat w my gfs.
Felt good but yet more things came onto my mind.
I believe I've done a lot of stuff and gave in a lot,
Though I might be unreasonable at times.
And believed tht he has done he's part and he love me.
But I don't get it, if I feel tht way, why am I expecting more?
He once told me," I can treat u real nicely like how I treated her".
I didn't talk much abt tht. But it affected me a lot.
But I could understand.
I've never had th intention t challenge their past.
They've been through too much tgt.
So much tht, I know it's something tht can nv be forgotten.

but I've been really paranoid.
Which has been causing me t have sleepless nights.
Too many things occured tht makes me feel tht it's nt just coincidence.
My gf told me, maybe it's just tht he's feeling in secured abt our relationship yet?
But after 1yr 3months, it's still insercured,
I just need t know what more can I do?
Gf asked me, "where is th sam I used t know,
th one who fuk care abt everything?"
And I said " sam is nv th old sam, after she met martin"
I'm nt complaining.maybe I don't like th way I am now? Idk.
But at least I know, I like having someone t care for and feel,maybe,paranoid abt?
Someone who made me feel tht I need t kick all th bad habits, t be more lady like.
Someone who I teally want t marry in 7yrs time.

He's someone whom I know at once, even if he cheated on me, I'll forgive him.
Even if he's away for yrs, my heart will still be w him, as long as he still wants me.
I just hope if someday if we can overcome evrything,our love w be super strong
And no one can break us up anymore.
But can we do tht baybe?
I need a definate answer,t keep me gg on, for th man tht I love so damn much.
Even if you lied, tell me honestly, I'll forgive you.
Even if you fucked ard, or for a moment fall for someone else.

Just today,you said tht you'll nv be bad t me,
I take ur words.

I love you, baybe
You'll be leaving for hk on sat.
I'll miss u so much.
But it's a gd time t learn nt t be so clingy t you.

Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove.
Btw, I hope u like th bear (:

2009-12-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

just hang up th phone with you. you're drunk again.

was angry, but not anymore after you explained.

it's tht pride of yours again, but it's tht pride of yours tht i love.

after hearing what you told me,i wasn't jealous at all.

it's nt tht i dont love you anymore.

just tht i totally understand tht,

it's what you've been through tht make you what you are today.

it's all th ppl tht you've met along th way and ppl ard you,

your family,your friends,your ship crew,even her,tht made you who you are today.

if it wasn't because of them,you might not be who you are today, th man who's full of pride in whatever he does,a person who know exactly what he wants. ambitious,confident,

and tht's all tht made you tht man,tht love of my life(:

i love you baybe (:

2009-11-11T13:03:00.000-08:00

on 9th nov, celebrated zanny's bday.

and on th same day, i gt back w th love of my life.

th one whom i let down.

th long 8months of waiting ended. yeah!!!!

2009-10-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

2.39am

have nt receive any sms from you for 28hrs. why are we back t square one again.

th same question have been running through my mind over and over again. but never will regret what i did.

have decided nt t ask for more,so long we stay th way we were. but good time never last.

have been crying a lot recently,when nothing upsetting actually happen.yes im a cry baby,then again,if you understand th feeling of missing a person,you will feel me.

HECTIC HECTIC LIFE.

2009-08-16T04:55:00.000-07:00

havent seen my sweethearts for more than a week already,i miss those days when we would lepak like there's no tml,doing all th stupid things tht you can ever imagine.and most importantly having fun(:

school has seriously got th best out of me. Draining me out emotionally and physically.im not too sure how take long more i can take this kind of lifestyle man.

tons of homework is still waiting for me t complete them.

and im seriously very sick right now.

i didnt know spending hours purely chatting can be so satisfying.another session tml,hopefully(:

2009-08-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

my lovely classmate and me w a constipated face -_-"

im kind of blending into my class already(:

havent felt happy from th bottom of my heart for at least 6months already...

liking th feeling of laughing till my face gets numb,though it's pretty uncomfortable.

not forgetting t mention tht we celebrate yang yang's belated birthday at O+ today.

really had fun! (:

guys! please note i love you all! laughter are always there when you guys are around.

and idiot,i'll be waiting.

goodnight!much loves(:

2009-08-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

didn't attend lessons today,I'm feeling so bloody sinful now.

i was too tired,and sub consciously making me feel sick.

finally got a reply yesterday after 5days.

and the weird thing is th msg came in secs right after i told myself im gonna quit missing u.hahaha.

i hate myself

2009-08-01T02:28:00.000-07:00

sorry for being a loser.

sorry for being unable t let go.

2009-07-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

YESTERDAY I....

* found out tht he's 22 years older than her

* was craving for crab

* rush through my homework

* when to work

* think a lot

* a random stranger walked passed and said "nice haircut"

* someone had sashimi cake for birthday,she turned 33.

* almost fell down

* didn't get a reply

TODAY I.....

- went t school

- had memory lost,walked in and out of artfriend 3 times

- bought somethings from artfriend

- completed my drawing w dots,tiring..

- met up w my sweeties

- ate fish soup

- still craving for crab

- talked rubbish and had fun

- decided tht we would go to flea market,watch hangover and celebrate ky's birthday on sunday.

- took a mrt to kovan

- saw his friend( idk why everything i see or hear tht's related t him makes my heart plump 2000 times per sec and cause my to mood drop 2000 feet underground.)

- wanted to cry so badly.

- took 81 home

- blogged

TOMORROW I'M GOING...

~ t meet zann in th morning

~ to school w her

~ meet jar & ber after school,probably.

~ O+,t work.

RIGHT NOW I

; just wanna say tht i miss you

; GOODNIGHT WORLD.

i would rather see you holding another girl,and make it definite.

it's been 3days..

19.11.08

2009-07-28T02:25:00.000-07:00

spend almost 3hours doing homework,and im only done w one.

attending lessons is just so tough for someone who haven't been going t school for almost 2year,furthermore,doing homework.damn.im going whine about school at least for another month.

and school's super duper boring when you dont have any friends in class! im sorry for being so anti-social,but i cant help it,i want t bond too.but everything just stuck in th back of my brain when i see "strangers".

any tips t talking t ppl you dont know,teach me please.

Double-filet-o-fish+shaker fries+cokelight=BEST!

when i think of you,there's no more tears,only smiles.

not planning t walk away from this anytime soon.

bras basah tmr anyone?

2009-07-24T02:59:00.000-07:00

school's squeezing me dry.ah fuck.

why does my phone not ring at all?

2009-07-23T07:37:00.000-07:00

thanks to my shoes,finally get t talk t someone in my school.th very first one.it was just a two sentence conversation though.

school's tough,very! and it's just th third day.

i got this feeling im gonna lost my daddy t another woman soon,i hate tht.

good luck for your exams.

2009-07-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

went t do some shopping at art friend,spend 60plus dollar,and i still haven't got all my stuff yet,heartache.money's flying away.

homework.

can you imagine,i actually spend two hours doing tht,a clay model for sculpture class.dont ask me what's tht cause i've no idea too,it's suppose t be abstract.and to think tht i wanted an A for all my modules.i wouldn't give myself an A for tht ! one A's down,DAMN!

and new shoes! i had t admit it's an impulsive buy.but i'll wear it,tht's for sure.

it was 19th yesterday.

2009-07-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

you have to try very hard t be someone else,people may hate you for being a wannabe but at least you're happy t be like w who you wanna be.

it should be easier t be yourself,but t me it's harder.Being me,i'll never be able to please myself,im never good enough t feel happy about.

optimism will die off too.

2009-07-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

"nothing",as far as i can remember,i've never woke up feeling like this before.at 630am i cried.it feels so bloody empty.

send some msg as usual,showered;wanted to think clearer,make myself awake.watch tele while eating breakfast;people died while i was sleeping last night.

first lesson;it's suppose t be boring right? recieve a reply,i ought t feel happy,i usual does.but not today,suddenly feel like we're really worlds apart.

now,1219pm,im sitting in tcc waiting for zann to eat lunch,im famish,i can eat a cow,trust me.another lesson is at 3pm,im gonna rot till then.wish me luck(:

2009-07-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

webcam fun(:

i talk t absolutely no one abt this

2009-07-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

in an hour's time im gonna leave downtown for work.in 14hour's time im going t school! sucks.

ice-cream doesnt satisfy my emotion,but my taste-buds though.

2009-07-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

school's starting tmr.

2009-07-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

boredom is unhealthy.

school will only be starting in two days time,and im already starting t think how t kill those "school life's" time.and hopefully minimum chi-nas in my class pleaseeeeee......

anyway im waiting for rest t wake up.cause i wanna go shopping!

2009-07-17T02:11:00.000-07:00

i realise my nafa card pic is scaring people.

take a break,have some chipster(:

macbook makes me feel so damn stupid

2009-07-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

dreamcatcher or peacock?

favourite pic taken w my baby holga (:

before yesterday i was damn bloody excited abt school as it's starting on monday!

but after th orientation yesterday,th sight tht i see totally kills my mood.my course is infested w chi-nas and bengzzzzzz. -_-" tell me what can be worst than tht? school's starting on monday at 9am.hell. take a look at my frigging nafa student card,i dont think anyone could regconise me at all man,so damn auntie.

killing time now,meeting my dearest miss zanncampbell at 4.hopefully i can get my laptop today,but i've no idea how am i going to bring it home man,im sure it's gonna be heavy.and and and,i need to do some back to school shopping,i dont even think tht th clothes in my wardrobe now is enough to last me for a month. boring....

temptation is just so hard to resist.

2009-07-15T23:32:00.000-07:00

scramble at coffee nation w cliques(:

let's rock it!!

daddy gt this for me(: super nice(:(:(:

new super huge up coming prada! woooooo.

boredom at work...

appreciation t my customer sammie for th strawberries,although i didnt have any of them.

this is just another prove tht im really very bored at work.

------

qb bar with liankai,qi,ivan and friend.cant remember when.

2009-07-12T03:39:00.000-07:00

darling told me tht my blog is all abt th same thing,but i didnt realise at all,i guess it's just a sub conscious kind of thing.
officially put a full-stop to it,no more contacts.i guess i'll be able t make it.

went kbox last night till 6am with darling,kelvin and cass.cant remember when was th last time i did tht man.
finally met up with th clique today after so long,so long tht i didnt realise b.lau cut his hair.
played scrabble at coffee nation.ate strawberry strudel,ate dinner at food court.and off t work.work sucks,starting t hate drinking to th max.
btw,orientation's next! excited.

pics will be up soon!

ps.me and zann coincidentally wants t get a tattoo of a same thing,so cool.hahahahhaha.
and daddy's coming home in less than 24hrs time,cant wait t see him and my long wanted chanel 5degrees(:

2009-07-11T01:52:00.000-07:00

when out with my new found buddy liankai.
ate super expensive curry rice at food republic.YES FOOD REPUBLIC sucks!
caught obsessed,expected ending,boring storyline.1.5/5 stars man.

met friends at o+ my second home.sang songs.go home sleep.

i realised tht i have th most boring blog ever.my life's so frigging boring!!

someon's gonna give me a dog,hope daddy will let me keep it,it's super dupper cute!

2009-07-07T03:05:00.000-07:00

attended my great grandma's funeral today.
i totally have no idea tht i have a great grandma tht's still alive till this point of time.
which is totally very amusing.she had a long life,a very long one.and now she's gone.

people are leaving one by one.people who has blood relation with me,though nt very close,and i would actually feel emotional abt it.
i wonder how am i gonna cope with my emotion when someone really close leave this world.or maybe if they ever leave,i should feel happy for them,as they are leaving a place which id cruel and nt exactly a nice t be in?

hahahaha.gonna lock myself at home till thursday,unless for work.
gonna save money as school's starting in 2weeks time,feel so excited whenever i talk abt school especially when it's getting nearer,im sure my darling zann is feeling th same way too(:
and im getting my macbook pro really soon! i cant wait t touch a mac tht belongs t me man!

*ps.i hope t get a new tattoo real soon.....
and on a shorter note,i think tht christiano ronaldo and roger federer are th hottest guys on earth.

2009-07-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

monday blues.stuck at home,cant go anywhere.
my precious are out,i want to join them! but i cant go out.
it's been like 100,000,000years since i last saw them.

2009-07-05T03:22:00.000-07:00

Don't love me only when im naked,bastards.

2009-06-20T04:07:00.000-07:00

did i mention tht im having an obession of drawing stickmans?

today was awesome.i love you man is hilarious.
except th fact tht im sick.
and now i just cant stop staring at my new bag(:

are man just human-look-alike beast tht just control their needs? or should i say able to relief their needs w anyone and everyone? how is it so easy for you guys t lie or t act like you love a girl just because you want t fuck her? c'mon guys,sex is also called making love for a reason,how can sex ever be good without love?

im missing my hair already,i think it's gonna take 2 or 3years t grow back ):
most thinks tht i look better now.
but i guess,what you think is nicer,is th nicest (:
and im getting more stares now,it makes me feel uneasy.

goodnight gcx,goodnight world.

2009-06-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

bugis-sg flyers-esplande-merlion-home.

2009-06-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

cried.when drawing stupid stickmans.

we cant tell why we love them so.
but hate it when they critisize us,but thinks tht they are super cute.

2009-06-05T01:45:00.000-07:00

不敢问却一直想问
你心里藏着什么人
不敢猜却一直想猜
如回去有没有可能
我不够完整
你给的从来不够完整
你一个语气都无法确认
这种缺乏是什么象征
不开灯我不要开灯
我身边容不下别的人
不锁门我不要锁门
你回来是一种信任
我那么的认真
去思考你对我的认真
或许是多么伤害人
而结论始终是疑问
我爱疯了
我疯到自己痛也不晓得
放弃了保护自己的责任
放弃了抵抗脆弱的天份
我不管了
我不管这伤口能不能愈合
选择了你也许是错的人
选择包容了你的不安分
我尊重我的选择

我想我疯了
不开灯我不要开灯
我身边容不下别的人
不锁门我不要锁门
你回来是一种可能
我那么的认真
去思考你对我的认真
或许是多么伤害人
而结论始终是疑问
我爱疯了
我疯到自己痛也不晓得
放弃了保护自己的责任
放弃了抵抗脆弱的天份
我不管了
我不管这伤口能不能愈合
选择了你也许是错的人
选择包容了你的不安分
我尊重我的选择

我想我疯了
请尊重我的选择
我想我
疯了
请尊重我的选择
我想我
疯了
cried while listening t this song..i feel like a weakling..

altimately im still back t this blog.
i have feeling for this blog(:

it's been 7months..probably,it has t come to an end.

2009-04-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

im feeling so fucked up right now.
i hate being "fly areoplane" by ppl,especially them,but well then again,dont blame me if i do tht back on you guys,you guys jolly well know tht im a very revengeful person.good luck man.

but set aside those fucked up things.it was a pretty nice day.gt a plenty of highness in me,some things made me so happy tht i wasn't able to hide my happiness at all,i seriously mean AT ALL! wooooolaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaa...

watched twitlight for th very first time today,after so long,i know im a little kuku.it's very very nice,super romantic.i want to be a vampire too,"edward,bite me pls!" hahaha.but still i dont think th lead actor is hot at all,maybe a lttle charming at times,but still nt hot.

edward:"i don't have th strength to stay away from you anymore"
bella:"then don't"
whooooooo,it cant get any sweeter.
if only........

cx,im glad tht you msged me ytd,and today too.you wont know how happy i was.
and thanks for th many many moments tht you had me in mind,im satisfy with tht already.
but still humans tend to be a little greedy(:
take good care of yourself,you always know what you should and need to do,tht's why i love you.
you're my personal heroin and a lifetime of you is never enough.

2009-04-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

stop asking me "are you a drug addict?"....."no!"......"but you look like one"
or telling me "you look anorexic.can you eat!"............"damn,i eat like no body's business,OK"

im none of th above assholes.

i dont know is it me or what,im so not nice and everyone is so not nice.
but everyone's like very depressed by th fact tht th world's beings are fuck evil,but we ourselves are nt nice,expect ppl to be nice?maybe next lifetime.....but i guess it will still be th same.ohohoh,how sad.but i dont give a damn(:

i haven't seen th moon on th sky for quite sometimes already,very sad.i love th moon..
back in th old days,moon was like a compass to th sailors on board ship.it brings them home,to th place where love only existed.i love th sea,and i know you know why...

ima fucktarded....

2009-04-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

for some reason i did nt blog about us when we were together,i hope i fucking did.there's so many things i want to remember,there's so many things tht i tend to forget,and i dont want tht to happen.but old memories tent to fade,but we don't have th chance to create new ones anymore.

maybe,there will be th day....

darling,remember how lovely and nice we used to be?how i go around intro you as my best friend to others? i may be crude at times.but i really wish tht we can go back to th past where everything was nice and sweet.forgive me for nt being nice.

my dearest friends,let's stay like this forever.even though i mayb be very irritating.(:

2009-04-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

i miss my two little fellows.

i find it so hilarious to be feeling this way.but yes,i miss you like fck.
REWIND~~~~~~~~~how nice.

2009-03-31T08:31:00.000-07:00

im accepted into NAFA!
recieve th letter yesterday.but happiness lasted less then 5mins..

2009-03-30T18:07:00.000-07:00

remember how we met? how we were introduced to each other by a friend at th place i work.i still remembered i was attracted by th smell of your perfume.and how i got jealous when i saw you laughing like a idiot when you were chatting with another girl,we were still friends then,but you didnt know tht i was already secret in love with you.th first time you saw me wearing a dress,you told me tht you were mesmerised by me,i was very very very happy,but i've never told you so.tht was th day you gave me your number,i remember those number by heart,up till today.i love th way you tried cheering me up,when i was feeling down,and how you took notice tht my lips were very dry,constantly reminding me to drink more water.you told me each time you stay for another drink even after your friends left is because you wanted to look at me for a little longer.th first time you held my hands was in th cinema,watching Madagascar2.my heart almost pump out of my mouth.
subsequently,we spend almost everyday together,we were happy even if we were doing nothing.i remember us sitting by th seaside,enjoying th breeze and listening to th waves,i was leaning on you,we didn't talk much,but i felt really comfortable with you by my side.nt long after, you started working we had lesser time for each other.but i love th way we try to squeeze every bit of time we could to spend it with each other.you came all th way to my house just to bring me liangteh cause i was having sore throat.you brought me around to eat everything just to satisfy my cravings.i admit im a very lousy gf,i didnt spend christmas eve,new year eve not even valentine's day with you.but you'll always find time to meet me before i go to work.then after you started school,we had even much lesser time to spend together.th best i could do was to ask for off day on every sundays,but i know it isnt good enough.we had so many plans together,to go redang,to get the exact same pair of roller-blade.we have yet to finish watching saw2-5 together.you're yet to bring me to th singapore flyer and marina barrage.i promise to go wakeboarding with you.i promise to be good.i want you back here,i know i couldn't.you called me baby,but i wont be able to hear tht anymore.i dont hear from you anymore,im probably just a passerby to you right now.but i want to tell you how much i miss you,i tried so hard to not remember how everyone else told me how sweet we are together and how alike we look.i want to share all my joys and sorrows with you,i want to tell you how everything have been crashing down on me ever since you left.how everyone turn their backs on me.you're nt th first but probably th best,im just fucked up.

i wanna make up right na na na
i wanna make up right na na na
wish we never broke up right na na na
we need to link up right na na na.

2009-03-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

happen to come across these picture today.
hmmmmmm.... i cried.

2009-03-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

so much for having a dream together,till th end im alone.

i don't deserve to be loved.

L4D work,slack chill chat.surf th net.tht's all my life's about.
im still dreaming of you,nice ones.i wish i never woke up.

2009-03-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

how are you my dear,is everything okay?
it's th 19th tomorrow,and im feeling like shit right now.

2009-03-12T00:15:00.000-07:00

how long more is this going to take?
i still miss your smile,the way we kiss and cuddle.

2009-03-05T12:07:00.000-08:00

thanks dude for cheering me up.(:

it's been one week.

2009-03-05T03:07:00.000-08:00

im looking at our story from th blackbox like a drama,
i don't know how much time i've spend here
but all i know is tht it feels like forever.

i see myself making th same mistakes,
but it's too late,
i dont own a remote tht could rewind it.
i only want to make up for it,
but even your shadow has gone far away.

i could see you right in front me,through a glass.
you cant hear what im saying,
i cant reach you from where i am.
i can't do anything to salvage our love.
i'll leave it all to fate
to break this glass between us.

the stars shine bright for you,
and im always one glass away from you.
break these glass if you need me to hold.
i'll always be here.

2009-03-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

there i go again,feeling like shit all over again.
im feeling better,but sill i cant get over.
when im alone everything came rushing back to me

2009-03-01T15:07:00.001-08:00

you told me tht as long as i said it out,all th bad things tht happened in my dreams will not come true.but it eventually it happened.

why am i still hoping tht there would be a dramastic twist like it always happens in movies?

it's been 4days and im left with 3days to cry.

2009-03-01T15:07:00.000-08:00

you told me tht as long as i said it out,all th bad things tht happened in my dreams will not come true.but it eventually it happened.

i'm living in reality not movies,why am i still hoping tht there would be a dramastic twist like it always happens in movies.i should know tht you're really gone.and i should stop crying already.

2009-02-28T10:07:00.000-08:00

it's suppose to be our 101th day together....

Swept my feet across those grass with morning dews on it,inhaling th fresh air tht i've long forgotten about.Keep myself within a group doing meaningless things.This use to be th kind of life i love leading,but now i rather stay home and be tht good girl of yours.I'm a girl with a manly nature,i feel comfortable tht way.Now i rather be tht girlie Samantha tht you like better.
For th past two days i've spend too much time crying,pestering you,no time thinking.when i started thinking,i realised if I love you,i shouldn't be a burden to you,now im willing to let you go,as long as you're happy,i would respect your decision.
i would still feel sad,but be happy for me tht i've finally grown up(:

byebye baby,thanks for th 99days of love.
but my love for you has not ended yet.

2009-02-26T18:50:00.000-08:00

26febuary2009...
i started hating sundays,cause in future i'll wake up on sundays without knowing what to do.i'll keep the necklace,the wallet,the jellyfish look alike keychain,tht handphone,all th movie tickets,heart shaped bus tickets out of my sight,i hate th fact tht i would burst out crying just by looking at them.i hate myself for having so much tears,i hate tht my heart would feel pain.i hate smoking.i hate tht i cant see th hampsters anymore,i'll miss them.i hate tht i cant kiss you,hug you,msg you,call you,or call you baby anymore.

2009-01-28T08:07:00.000-08:00

i love this year's CNY! it totally feels like th worst things tht could have happened,falls on me.how nice(:

happy CNY everyone.

2009-01-06T04:07:00.000-08:00

started year 2009 with a little bit of excitement.
got drunk on th very first day.
barbeque on th second day.spend most of th time gambling though.
my dear girl and precious jar is now one year older! the difference is ly is 17 and bloody jar is 18,damn tht idiot.time is passing too fast,i never really wanna grow up.
it's good start,i hope it remains this way,i still wanna die young though.still life's meaningless.
new year resolutions:i hope we can still celebrate Christmas & new year together this year.i love you guys(: & i wanna know more about tht woman who has always been a familiar stranger to me.

will up load pics soon.be patient(:

2009-01-02T04:07:00.000-08:00

you will never know how bright you shone in my life.

i feel like a very fucked up person,most of th time actually.
be it to friends,lover or family member,i've tried hard to be a nicer person.it's just not as easy as it semms.bloody hell.i hate life.
i guess i'll just stick to my old plan of how to spend my whole life.
finish my destinated mission of living,enjoy and bye bye.

is it ok to hid myself up,till th day i die?

2009-01-01T11:30:00.000-08:00

overdue pictures from christmas.

martin's and mine smiley face(:

christmas presie,not mine):

2008-12-29T01:07:00.000-08:00

vous êtes irremplaçables
i had a wonderful day today(:
twenty years,instead of two months sounds good to me.
they like him too,what could be better?
bedtime story is nice.

i need a list of new year resolution!
im samta(: hohoho.

2008-12-24T14:07:00.000-08:00

he said to her:"what ever happens,ups or downs baby,don't worry be happy,cause i'll be around."

MERRY
CHRISTMAS EVE PEOPLE!

2008-12-23T04:07:00.000-08:00

they say;let bygones be bygones
i would prefer;don't get mad,get even(:

how does it feels like when you need to work seven days a week,when it's initiatly four cause of another person's act of irrespondsibility?
let me tell you,it feels like shit.

i love slacking at starbucks with friends,with my lapy and some pokercards games(:
perfect way to spend th day.

2008-12-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

we walked the whole town for 7hours or more to search for chirstmas present.
and went home empty.brought a whole day of fun back with me though(:
but still i hate tht of not able to get something when you're dying to.hmmmmm...
6more days to christmas bitch!

2008-12-17T15:07:00.000-08:00

if only we'll never feel tired.if only moments like this lasts forever.

yesterday was a fucking crazy night,and i've used upp all my energy(:
but it's a kind of satisfaction.

when we grow old someday,when th world no longer need people like us,th memories and all th time we've spend together will be the evidence of our existence.th proof to show tht we were all once alife.

love is nt just abt romance,
it's abt my love for you guys too(:

2008-12-08T04:07:00.000-08:00

keeping everything to yourself is not th way,and saying nothing is sooooo not able to solve th problem.don't you f*cking understand?

my life at work is gonna be so tough.damn,pls put th blame on me.it's entirely my fault.

i hate being a girl,i hate mood swings & tht bloody thing tht comes once a month.

im in a fucking bad mood right now.slap me to cool me down pls.

10years,it's just so not easy,even by thinking it scares me away,still i'm looking forward.

im so in love we girlfriends toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(:

2008-12-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

im felt soooooooooo blessed with such friends around.
one STUPID.another EVIL.

"why would friends want to hurt,their own beloved friends?"
(quoted from zann)

tell me about it,seriously im f*cking interested what's in your f*cking mind.doing things tht has no f*cking advantage to you at all,and in turn hurting people who you called "friends".so tht's what friends are for huh?it's either you don't have a f*cking brain or weeds are growing in it,latter i guess.

you totally spoiled my day,thanks(:

2008-11-29T23:35:00.000-08:00

A PACK (CIGARETTES) A DAY KEEPS TH GUYS AWAY.

work work work work work.

yet still it seems like i can never afford what i like.
why does girls always have a never ending wish list,
no matter how many shopping sprees can never satisfied us?

2008-11-15T16:22:00.000-08:00

finally blog,after so long.so should i say i finally found th time.
anyway,spend a quality a mount of time with friends,BOWLING.

6nov

did you notice tht you saw th S.L.A.Z but not th O.
damn it! i miss olivia!

2008-10-24T02:21:00.000-07:00

peoples changes,but why?
can't help but to feel sad?but too bad.
friends?forget abt it.more will come.